Be Kind And Love Yourself For Everything You Are

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If you are reading these blogs and absorbing educational media, you are already in a cohort of the top 20% of people. 

Unfortunately life is full of people who seem to be NPC’s (Non Playing Characters) who observably feel like they make up the majority. If you watch your children playing computer games (or maybe you play these games yourself), you will see these NPC’s hanging around in the background, not adding anything to the game. As I go about my day and observe people on the streets, it feels like a vast majority have accepted their lives, their bodies and their minds for what they have, without much intention or gratitude to fight and improve the life they’ve been gifted. 

They are not contributing to the game of life, and probably blame others for their lot as they submit their locus of control to society and trudge beigely through life

If everybody in life was an NPC, humanity would never advance. It is in the spirit of human evolutionary biology to always try to advance and improve ourselves. If humans did not have that spirit, we would still be living in caves, scrapping to survive, having never even discovered fire.

The Shame Spiral

When you embark on a life changing journey, there will be many obstacles in your way. Some you will jump over without missing a step, whilst others will trip you up and set you back.

Examples of these setbacks would be a weekend bingeing of food, or a week of business travel where you ate and drank to excess without being able to practise any form of exercise.

There are two reactions you can have to these setbacks. Unfortunately a common reaction of a new convert on the road to improvement is to chastise yourself for being weak, and thinking there is no point to try anymore because you always mess up. This is the shame spiral which will quickly lead you back into NPC mode and the life of beige acceptance.

Love Yourself

However, if you react to these setbacks from a place of accepting yourself for your faults, loving yourself for everything you are, knowing that you are human, knowing you have a busy life juggling work and family and everything a modern executive lifestyle throws at you. You simply jump back onto the forward moving trajectory and put any setbacks quickly behind you.

Give Yourself Permission To Not Always Succeed

Sometimes in life you just have to “do”. The desire to succeed can be burdening as you chase the next goal in your life improvement. But to reach that goal always requires a lot of “doing” without success. But by focusing on doing, rather than succeeding, this continued doing will eventually take you towards your goals. 

The problem with goals is they are a golden fallacy. You dream about reaching those goals, then once you make it, within a short period of time they just become another part of who you are which leaves you floundering for the next goal. No matter how cliche this seems, it genuinely is the journey that makes it all worthwhile. And much of that journey consists of tripping over obstacles to reach where you want to go.

Leave Nothing On The Table

You want to feel like you have squeezed everything out of your life potential. If you feel you have potential left over, that you haven’t taken the difficult paths, it will eat you alive. That’s why you must not shame yourself. You must love yourself.

It’s going through the drudgery of boring stuff that nobody wants to do consistently over an extended period of time which will bring you the most reward and satisfaction, ensuring you leave none of your potential on the table.

Be An Imposter

Learning anything new in life means you begin every journey as an imposter. When you first go to the gym having never touched a barbell, you will feel like an imposter. If you learn something new and try to talk about this, you will feel like an imposter. If you want to begin writing or podcasting, you will feel like an imposter.

This is not a negative, it is in fact a huge positive. If your inner monologue is telling you “you are an imposter”, by sheer definition this means you are doing something new. Absorb and embrace that message and keep working on whatever the new thing is you are doing to get better at and to keep learning more, until you no longer feel the imposter syndrome. This will mean you have reached a level of competence in whatever new thing it is you have learned, so you can freely move onto the next level in life.

Resources

Mind Pump 2289: At the beginning of this podcast Sal talks about the importance of not getting into the shame spiral, and why it’s essential to accept your failures and embrace them to take you to the next level and always continue moving forward.

Modern Wisdom 738: Chris talks to his good friend Alex Hormozi and discusses 21 brutally honest lessons about life. One such lesson is to give yourself permission to do, and to fail, without worrying about success.

Modern Wisdom 758: Chris discusses with Dr. Orion Taraban ways to hack your psychology to become more resilient. This begins with recognising that by attempting to do new things, to move forward and improve, you are already above the average NPC who accepts what life throws at them, rather than doing what you are doing and taking control of your life. 

Keep learning, keep failing, keep getting up, keep moving forward. Accept yourself for your human frailties, and love yourself to continue living stronger and living longer.

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